23 Memorial Days ago I went home to perform a wedding for a widower and a widow — she was my dad’s sister. At the St. Matthew’s Mall I ducked into a Hallmark store to ask, “Do you have a greeting card that says, ‘To my aunt, whom I marry today?’” My one-liner was topped by the immediate reply, “Honey, not in this state”……. and I was in Kentucky!

44 years ago, when my brother proposed I marry him, I couldn’t in that state. I had to be an ordained minister. I had yet to complete four years of seminary education before approval by my denomination. However, I could assist my seminary professor who had legally married my sister back when he was our associate pastor. (You need a scorecard to keep up).

When I asked my mentor, “How much of the wedding can I do?” He replied, “As much as you want.” “Can I do the vows?” “They say their vows; you can lead them.” “Can I bless the rings?” “God blesses the rings; you can pray.” 

“Is there anything I can’t do?” “Yes. You can’t say, ‘By the power vested in me by the laws of this state… because you ain’t got no power. I’ll say that.’” 

Now anyone can get a state’s vested power to perform a wedding with a free online ordination certificate. You just pay $50 for the state’s credentials, or maybe a c-note for the deluxe package.

The hundreds of weddings I’ve performed had a mix of religious, social, and legal obligations. During my years of seeking marriage equality, I wondered if, separately, states could perform the legal side, any blessing could done by whatever religion, and the economy could influence the social aspects of a wedding. 

Since 2014 I have my religion’s blessing, social encouragement, and the state’s vested power to equally perform same-sex weddings. Blind guides still have the right to refuse, but they don’t have the right to keep me from following God’s path. I pray my religious freedom isn’t taken away by those seeking to abuse their power to unvest mine.

How have the legal, social, and religious aspects of weddings affected your life? Where have you seen more attention placed on a wedding than on the (hopefully longer) marriage? Where do you see the positive millennial evolution of marriage in various societies?