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Frau Herzog 101024

During the summer of the birth of Star Wars and the death of Elvis my first best man and I were welcomed into Frau Herzog’s apartment at 19 Untergasse in Wien (Vienna, Austria). She survived off annual Emory tuition paid to her. She only spoke German. She only complained when we left the shower running for a second too long between on-quick soak-off-lather-on-quick rinse-off. I continue that practice as I recall her conservation born out of poverty. A daily breakfast was included, but she was so generous with her food that we smuggled fruit and granola to feed fellow students famished by wealthier hosts.

One particular night she talked until dawn — one of those sacred experiences of connection that are too rare. She shared the suffering from the consequences of her war — her community searching amidst devastation for scraps of food. In the wee hours with my immature German, I couldn’t fully translate every word, but her eyes spoke with sighs too deep for words. 

As she ended her soul-bearing to begin cooking breakfast, she went to the beginning. She was a young adult for the 1938 Anschluss (“joining”) when Hitler forced the unification of Germany and Austria (their split was forced 20 years before after losing WW1). The promise of one man who could fix the economy, purify and protect the elite race, establish one religion, and make his realm (“Reich”) great again was so popular that a vote to unify was scheduled for March 13 in Austria. Not trusting a fair election, Hitler marched his German troops across the border the day before. A month later, Frau Herzog “voted” in the delayed election to approve the Anschluss with German troops observing her visible ballot. 

Whenever I safely and secretly vote my conscience, I think of how she couldn’t.

If you’re a person of faith, what feeds your joy, hope, and compassion for everything and everyone on this planet? If you’re an American citizen, how do you treat the gift of the freedom to vote? Where do you get your information to be responsible for your freedom?

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Betrayal 10-03-2024

Her name was Leslie? I seldom mention names in these reflections, but it may have been fake. She sprung into my frat house the spring of my sophomore year at Emory. For weeks, we shared several socials together until I left for summer study in Vienna, Austria. Upon my return in the fall, I fell into two betrayals.

The first was a feared betrayal that wasn’t. The fraternal code was broken by a brother seeking to oversee Leslie’s availability — while I was unavailable overseas. Like Jacob to his brother Esau, he was afraid of how I might react to being betrayed. I told the three friends sent to “confess on his behalf” that I really had no claim on or plans for a relationship. I trusted women to make decisions about their lives.

The betrayal that didn’t matter resulted in the one that did. I was told that Leslie lied to me. He wanted to protect me with his discovery that she was in high school, not college; she lived at home, not an apartment, and on and on. I didn’t want to believe it. How could I have been so gullible? What kind of person would lie repeatedly? What was her motive? Experiencing someone who knows the truth while repeatedly lying dispelled my naïveté.

Some of her statements that had seemed a little off, now began to make sense. My ego-protecting denial eroded, as my pride crumbled. Everyone knew I had been conned; they saw the usurper as the better investigator. I wonder how that experience influenced my future visceral reactions to religious and political leaders who confidently con followers with deception. I hope my embarrassment helped my compassion for other people — I wouldn’t want to waste the pain.

When have you realized someone had been lying to you? How did you react? What actions ended or restored your trust? How long did it take to move forward?

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Snakes on a Plane 090924

The evening of August 19, I had an interesting experience flying home on Delta airlines. There were videos on the back of each seat with headphones. Each passenger could choose to watch live TV, listen to music, see a game or many movies. Being the first night of the Democratic National Convention, I wanted to hear some speeches after watching the Republican Convention three weeks before. 

I chose a channel from a news source that showed what was actually going on. Other screens I could see from other seats had Fox on. While I listened to Coach Steve Kerr talk about the Olympics, teamwork, and the attributes of a positive leader, the Fox screens only showed Hannity talking — before a screen of buildings burning while Trump was president. Then Fox showed a long-shot image of crowds at the convention while Hannity and Ingraham continued their conversation over every speaker I heard. 

I wonder if commentators were telling congregants what was being said instead of “letting” you “judge for yourself” by actually listening. I wonder if it’s like pastors who tell you what the Bible says when they don’t like you to see what is in the Bible. Could showing an image of a convention hall allow Fox to say “they covered the convention”? After we landed I wondered if Fox showed US Senator Raphael Warnock’s “sermon” or Jamie Raskin’s insights to Trump’s actions in the weeks before and on the day of Jan. 6 trying to steal an election he lost.

Where do you see divisions based on differences in people’s sources of information? How do you try to overcome confirmation bias (being only comfortable with information that confirms what you already believe)? How do you burst your bubble to discover what information is true? 

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Labor Day  Sept. 2, 2024

Once I thought of it, I tried to thank my mom each Labor Day; her labor gave me life. Although she died in 1998 I still say thank you for my life and life lessons, but I struggle to find just the right words without Hallmark making manufactured “Labor Day” Cards.

The morning of her labor in 1997, my wife and I labored to find just the right words of appreciation for our son’s birthmother. Hallmark didn’t have pre-written birthmother cards, so we had to express our own feelings with “sighs too deep for words”.

Her extended family were so supportive of our adoption that they gave our son a baby shower on his “birth” day. Their hospital room overflowed with her family, love, gifts, and support. We also gave our son’s birth mother caffeine sodas, skinny clothes, love and appreciation. We maintained contact through the adoption agency so that twice a year we thanked her with letters and pictures. After ten years, we helped out son begin to write years of thank-you notes about his life.

I would much rather write her the thank you notes than a questionable judge or intrusive politician. I am thankful she chose life, and I am thankful she had the freedom to choose. I am more than grateful that when she had a constitutional right to choose, she made the choice she did. How would we thank her if the decision were forced upon her? Would our son have entered the world with resentment instead of love?

When have you impacted another person’s life with a difficult choice you made? How much do you trust others to make good choices in their lives? Where do you spend most of your energy – trying to control other lives, or working on your own?

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Right to Pray Right Aug 28, 2024

At 17 I asked myself whether God had spared my church and my home when the 4/3/74 tornado did damage all around both. Had I done something right to be rewarded? Had others suffered God’s wrathful punishment? Should I thank God for sparing “me and my house” who serve the Lord our way, while punishing those outside my “tribe”? Is it just to pray, “Thank you God for sparing me and destroying them”?

When I read Matthew 5, I see that God gives the sun’s warmth and the rain’s nourishment to the just and the unjust, the nice and the nasty alike. God doesn’t play favorites and neither should I by only loving the lovable. 

As a teacher of “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent” I learned that allowing consequences to befall behavior is more effective than rewards and punishments. I came to believe that God’s ways are not transactional – the art of the deal. God’s ways are relational – compassionately suffering with us as we learn and mature through the consequences of our choices.

I am thankful that I have the right to pray anywhere, anytime. I am thankful I have the right not to be preyed upon by those who force their prayers on me. I seek to use my right to pray to pray right. When I request something from God, I talk to God about how it might affect others.

A rabbi’s deep wisdom asked me a question, “If you are heading home, and you see smoke coming from your neighborhood, is it ethical to pray, ‘O God, don’t let it be my house.’”

How do you answer the rabbi’s question? Where do you see God portrayed as punishing us BY our sin (consequences) instead of FOR our sin (retribution)? Which God are you drawn to?

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Love Can Build a Bridge 08-20-24

This week, Nancy and I were blessed to travel with 24 Missouri friends to Grand Cayman. We had arranged our days around Paul & Julie Overstreet as he gave private performances at each sunset — on the beach, in a bar, on a sailboat. I knew many songs Paul wrote, but I learned that he co-wrote with Naomi Judd and John Barlow Thomas “Love Can Build a Bridge”.

I told Paul that when I heard about the Judds farewell concert in 1991 and Naomi’s hepatitis C that was making her weak and her lifespan uncertain, I watched it live on TV (now on YouTube). The last song was Naomi’s farewell: “love can build a bridge between your heart and mine, love can build a bridge, don’t you think it’s time.” 

When a choir came out and Wynonna belted out the “bridge” to the song: “When we stand together, it’s our finest hour; we can do anything, keep believin’ in the power,” I lost it. I sat in front a TV with two singers I didn’t know and a song I’d never heard before, and I wept slobbering tears. Maybe it was their authenticity, the beauty of the song, the ill farewell, my marriage bridge crumbling.

Just before saying, “It’s been quite a ride,” Naomi reassured her daughter with the words: “I believe in love; and I believe in hope” and she looked up to God; that only added to my flowing waters, because I still believe in love over indifference and hope over despair.

As a caring human being, I don’t trust people who build walls of separation and tear down others with cruel attacks. As a disciple of Jesus, I seek to be a bridge builder recalling that faith, hope, and love can build a bridge, because we can do anything, anything when we stand together…. don’t you think it’s time?

Which song moved you the first time you heard it? (I invite you to share your story with a person you trust.) When have you been fully present to an event that was so authentic you felt a part of that community? How are you seeking to stand together with others to be love’s bridge builder. 

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Car Keys July 12, 2024

After my father turned 80, he called me on the phone to say, “I just bought my last car….. a Honda Acura.” He added, “But I can still buy green bananas!” Before he turned 90, I drove home to tell him in person it was time to give up driving.

During my drive, I rehearsed the counterpoints to the resistance I anticipated. As a pastor I had made similar visits with other families — just not mine. As most of our conversations revolved around business and finance, I opted for: “You’ll spend a lot less on cab-fare than you spend on insurance and maintenance.”

The request to give up one’s freedom and independence is a tall order. “I just drive to the country club,” he opened, “and I’ve done that all your life.” I offered, “I know you can get there and back. I just worry about the kid on a bike or the car from a driveway. It’s the unexpected that I’m not sure you can react to. And if something happened….. you don’t want to live with that.”

I had never seen anything like it before, but in a flash, just like that, his expression turned from resistance to trust. I was overwhelmed by the trust in me he showed. He said, “Ok, if you think it’s the right thing to do, I’m ready.” His trust inspired my responsibility to never ever abuse it, and I’m at peace that I never did.

His solution was to give his car to a friend. He was guaranteed a lifetime of rides to see his friends — for four more years. 

When did you feel called upon to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15)? How do you handle the responsibility of someone trusting you? Who do you trust in your life?

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Supreme Court July 2, 2024

In 1972, I visited the office of a United States Supreme Court associate justice. My boys’ high school field trip to Washington, DC included the public small but tall courtroom where 8 white men and the honorable Thurgood Marshall sought justice together. We were privileged with a rare session with Byron White, associate justice of the supreme court — a half hour in his private office —the wood panels, the desk, and the chairs where we freshmen fidgeted.

It takes connections to gain the ear of a justice. Our class association with the associate justice came from our history teacher being the punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers from 1965-1966. Byron “Whizzer” White led the league in rushing his rookie year of 1938 with the then-named “Pittsburgh Pirates”. Pro football brought us in the room where we learned about The Court and a few Steeler stories. 

Justice White did not align with liberal or conservative rulings. He advocated desegregation in public schools and affirmative action. He opposed Roe.v. Wade and wrote the opinion for Bowers v. Hardwick which would be later overturned.

We didn’t get to influence his decisions; we hadn’t given him 3-4 million dollars after all. We just had a unique ally which allowed our personal encounter to influence us. I came to respect and trust the ideals of the rule of law for all people in our country. Two years later in the United States v. Nixon — with one justice’s recusal for personal relationships — White joined the unanimous ruling that the president doesn’t wield great power without legal consequences.

When has a connection invited you into a relationship you would’t otherwise have? How do you use your privilege for personal gain? How do you respond to opportunities in life to do acts of love for others? 

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Sitz Im Leben June 12, 2024

Our Houston hotel received about 40 letters from Louisville in one day. We read them a few hours after learning I did not have bone cancer but a harmless benign tumor. Our shared surreal experience was that the cards we were reading with relief and elation were written from dire, drastic, deadly perspectives.

At 18 I was watching myself read what my parents’ friends write to give love, hope, and support in horrible situations, but I wasn’t needing what they were offering. They believed I was facing arm amputation, horrendous treatments, and an abbreviated lifespan when they wrote. I was evaluating their word choices, because of the evolution of my reality when I read.

Early in the last century, German Biblical scholars used the term “Sitz im Leben” — “Situation in Life.” In interpreting texts from the Bible, we need to understand the perspectives of the writers in their times, places, and worldviews. Their situations were different than ours; understanding their backgrounds helps bring their words forward into our lived experience.

As Marcus Borg wrote: “the Bible is a human product: it tells us how our religious ancestors saw things, not how God sees things.” I’d add that the Bible is a conversation over thousands of years; the different perspectives on life and the Divine reveal the “sitz im leben” of the storytellers. We also read a passage in different ways depending on our own “situation in life” which evolves and changes in the passage of time.

How does knowing a person’s background help you better understand their perspectives? When have you read the same words in a different way because of a transformation in life? How does understanding the matrix of his time help you come to know the historical Jesus?

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Mistaken Miracle June 5, 2024

As my parents and I left home, we were told the hole in my bone looked like cancer; my left arm would probably be amputated before we returned. MD Anderson in 1975 was gigantic even for Texas. One desk would take blood, X-rays across campus, questions in one room, more blood in another. We wondered how 3 days of disparate data could come together.

On D-day (diagnosis day) we toured the Johnson Space Center before our 3 pm appointment. We entered an auditorium of desks filled with 30 students in white coats. My X-rays lit a wall behind an examination table on a stage. Mom’s legs buckled and I helped her into a chair before she hit the floor.

I was invited onto the stage table. Each time I answered a question about a specific symptom, the doctor would nod at me, nod at the room, and 30 white coats would scribble. No severe pain during the day (notes); 2 am wake up with sore arm (notes); aspirin helped me sleep (notes); onset a month or more ago (notes). We 3 were asked to wait outside.

The brief silent wilderness of waiting, watching a hundred promenading strangers facing their own fears, seemed like hours. The auditorium we re-entered now contained only our two doctors. Finally we were told that it was a benign tumor called Osteoid Osteoma; they could cut it out next week. In the moment, the reality of bone surgery on me seemed more frightening than the unreality of cancer; that feeling was fleeting.

One of my parents’ friends told me it was a miracle. God had reached down from heaven and cured me of cancer by changing the tumor. At the time I didn’t say what I thought: “It was more of a mistake than a miracle — a premature diagnosis with insufficient experience.” Later I would wonder if God really reaches in to miraculously change reality for people. If God acts alone to rescue one person, then why does God withhold a miracle from another? Maybe we need better understandings of miracles and how God works with us in our lives.

How do you interpret the metaphor of miracle in the Bible and in your life? If God could, why wasn’t Jesus rescued from state sanctioned execution by the empire? When have you waited for God to change something in your life? Do you wonder if God is waiting for you? How have you been partners with God to bring healing and wholeness?