I had planned to not write today, but I couldn’t clear my thoughts during centering prayer. My mind would not let go of one of several conversations I’ve had since I wrote “Abortion Silence” last Monday. I felt scolded by a friend for what I did wrong, left out, and misinterpreted in sharing a past conversation with a rabbi. It dawned on me today that maybe he wanted to be in control of what she said and how I wrote. 

My mind went to 17 years ago when a church member started a petition to control my words. Back then I sleeplessly hyper-focused on “Law and Gospel” from the Apostle Paul’s letter to Galatians — we are no longer under the control of the law; for freedom Christ has set us free. When it suddenly occurred to me that Law & Gospel and Control & Freedom might be the same, I wondered if that was inspiration or insanity.

I then saw that control seems to be the theme of MAKE America, strongmen autocrats, the writers of Project 2025, silencing news or challengers you don’t like, threats of violence, white christian nationalism, etc. Many people want to blame someone else for things they can’t control, and trust forceful men to fix whatever is wrong in their lives and what they see as wrong in others. I get that; I’ve watched myself want that.

The other theme seems to have something to do with Freedom — freedom to choose, freedom from threats, freedom for better lives. I may be crazy, but freedom seems to be on the signs and in the written detailed plans. Many people want freedom in America “where at least we know we’re free.” I get that; I’ve watched myself want that.

I experience God’s relating love in my journey of faith as inviting freedom (from “let there” be light, allowing consequences to happen, to “follow me” if you choose); others experience God as controlling. Maybe like law/gospel or control/freedom it’s both/and more than either/or, but when there’s a choice which do you choose?

A famous prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr during the suffering of the second world war, (that has helped Alcoholics Anonymous and me in our daily walk) concerns what we can and can’t control in our lives. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Where do you hear themes of control and freedom in your life?