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Delusions 101424

During my seminary class in pastoral care the professor said, “My first assignment in Clinical Pastoral Education at a mental hospital was to talk the patients out of their delusions. All of us failed that assignment; some of us took longer to give up. If you’re under the delusion that a rational argument will sway a delusional person, then I can give you the same assignment.”  I’m reflecting on that lesson on this 17th anniversary of my being committed to Mid-MO mental hospital after my first (and only) Bi-Polar One manic psychotic break with reality. 

On this day in 2007, when I called my sister to inform her that I was in charge of resetting the economy like the Jubilee Year that Jesus proclaimed, fifty years of being my sister and thirty years of being a psychologist came together in tears. After I hung up, she called my wife to inform her I was manic and nothing could talk me down. She told her to shelter our son safely in another home, to have someone with me at all times so I didn’t disappear, and to pray that I would do something bad enough to get committed for treatment, but not bad enough that I ruined the rest of my life. That was a very fine line to walk, but that prayer was answered fully.

Medication treated my delusions, counseling helped me deal with stressful antagonists, spiritual direction taught me practices for grieving, and nine months of disability let me rest to return to ministry in my old church as a new pastor. I can only imagine the damage I might have done if I had enablers who gave me power as they tried to say my delusions were real. I am glad for those who challenged my lies, and for our rule of law that allowed a judge who was and is my friend to sign my committal papers to get me the help I needed to be who I am today.

What is your experience with a person struggling with mental illness and seeking mental health? Describe a time you struggled to rationally talk another person out of their delusions? Who has helped you grow into a better person?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally)

Patrol Boy 101124

Last night we started watching the 2012 documentary on Ethel Kennedy. This afternoon we learned she just died at the age of 96. Eerie. While giving thanks for my heroes working for justice and racial equality during my childhood, I also thought of being a patrol boy; weird; here’s why.

A week after being chosen to be a patrol boy, during my training in June, I heard Sen. Kennedy had been shot; the news wouldn’t sink in for several years. When I started my year serving as a patrol boy, I was given the responsibility of helping Chenoweth Elementary kids safely cross Brownsboro Road — the four-lane state Highway 42 in Louisville’s east end. 

I liked the power and prestige that went with being chosen to be a patrol boy. When I felt like it, I could push the cross button to change the light and stop all the traffic on Hwy 42. I would tell the kids when to cross. I loved the sense of control over others I had. I loved the look of my patrol boy outfit with a white belt across my waist and shoulder and a silver badge with AAA on it. (I thought it was something super cool like A plus plus.)

Soon enough I learned that being chosen is not easy. The few sunny fall days became the many rain, sleet, snow days. I had to get there early, stay late, and be responsible. But at least I wasn’t alone; I always had the other patrol boy assigned to that crossing by my side.

People of faith often talk about being chosen for their spiritual journey. I now know that being chosen isn’t easy. It isn’t about the control, the power, the badge, or the certificate in the end. We are chosen to serve —  to do our part each day to make the crossings of others safer and better with our presence.  We are chosen not because we are better, but to be better.

When have you experienced the honor of being chosen before learning how much responsibility you would have? How have you helped others cross dangerous paths on their journeys? What rewards do you receive in loving and serving others with empathy and compassion?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally) · 5 Comments

Frau Herzog 101024

During the summer of the birth of Star Wars and the death of Elvis my first best man and I were welcomed into Frau Herzog’s apartment at 19 Untergasse in Wien (Vienna, Austria). She survived off annual Emory tuition paid to her. She only spoke German. She only complained when we left the shower running for a second too long between on-quick soak-off-lather-on-quick rinse-off. I continue that practice as I recall her conservation born out of poverty. A daily breakfast was included, but she was so generous with her food that we smuggled fruit and granola to feed fellow students famished by wealthier hosts.

One particular night she talked until dawn — one of those sacred experiences of connection that are too rare. She shared the suffering from the consequences of her war — her community searching amidst devastation for scraps of food. In the wee hours with my immature German, I couldn’t fully translate every word, but her eyes spoke with sighs too deep for words. 

As she ended her soul-bearing to begin cooking breakfast, she went to the beginning. She was a young adult for the 1938 Anschluss (“joining”) when Hitler forced the unification of Germany and Austria (their split was forced 20 years before after losing WW1). The promise of one man who could fix the economy, purify and protect the elite race, establish one religion, and make his realm (“Reich”) great again was so popular that a vote to unify was scheduled for March 13 in Austria. Not trusting a fair election, Hitler marched his German troops across the border the day before. A month later, Frau Herzog “voted” in the delayed election to approve the Anschluss with German troops observing her visible ballot. 

Whenever I safely and secretly vote my conscience, I think of how she couldn’t.

If you’re a person of faith, what feeds your joy, hope, and compassion for everything and everyone on this planet? If you’re an American citizen, how do you treat the gift of the freedom to vote? Where do you get your information to be responsible for your freedom?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally)

Betrayal 10-03-2024

Her name was Leslie? I seldom mention names in these reflections, but it may have been fake. She sprung into my frat house the spring of my sophomore year at Emory. For weeks, we shared several socials together until I left for summer study in Vienna, Austria. Upon my return in the fall, I fell into two betrayals.

The first was a feared betrayal that wasn’t. The fraternal code was broken by a brother seeking to oversee Leslie’s availability — while I was unavailable overseas. Like Jacob to his brother Esau, he was afraid of how I might react to being betrayed. I told the three friends sent to “confess on his behalf” that I really had no claim on or plans for a relationship. I trusted women to make decisions about their lives.

The betrayal that didn’t matter resulted in the one that did. I was told that Leslie lied to me. He wanted to protect me with his discovery that she was in high school, not college; she lived at home, not an apartment, and on and on. I didn’t want to believe it. How could I have been so gullible? What kind of person would lie repeatedly? What was her motive? Experiencing someone who knows the truth while repeatedly lying dispelled my naïveté.

Some of her statements that had seemed a little off, now began to make sense. My ego-protecting denial eroded, as my pride crumbled. Everyone knew I had been conned; they saw the usurper as the better investigator. I wonder how that experience influenced my future visceral reactions to religious and political leaders who confidently con followers with deception. I hope my embarrassment helped my compassion for other people — I wouldn’t want to waste the pain.

When have you realized someone had been lying to you? How did you react? What actions ended or restored your trust? How long did it take to move forward?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally)

Kris Kristofferson 09302024

On my 15th birthday, 2/2/72, my older brother Baylor gave me the album “The Silver Tongued Devil and I” by Kris Kristofferson. He said words matter and these words are creatively and carefully chosen. Oh….. and…… “If you want to know me,” Baylor said, “I’m ‘The Pilgrim Chapter 33’” – from the rockin’ of the cradle to the rollin’ of the hearse the going up was worth the coming down. Two years later I was on the front row to hear Kris and Rita sing “Jesus Was a Capricorn” and “Why me Lord?” During the 3rd of six concerts I attended I helped Kris sing some words he was too drunk to get out by himself; future decades were better.

The song that celebrates what’s good about humanity is “Here Comes that Rainbow Again”. Someone on YouTube put stills from “The Grapes of Wrath” to Kristofferson’s words and music — it’s worth your while to watch. (search YouTube – Kris Kristofferson – Here comes that rainbow again (1982))

So many of his songs form the album of my life, but my vocation comes from “To Beat the Devil” (on his “Me and Bobby McGee” album) — you see, the devil haunts a hungry man; if you don’t wanna join him; you gotta beat him. I ain’t sayin’ I beat the devil, but I drank his beer for nothin’; then I stole his song. And you still can hear me singing to the people who don’t listen to the things that I am sayin’ prayin’ someone’s gonna hear. And I guess I’ll die explaining how the things that they complain about are things they could be changing, hoping someone’s gonna care. I was born a lonely singer and I’m bound to die the same, but I’ve gotta feed the hunger in my soul. And if I never have a nickel, I won’t ever die ashamed, ’cause I don’t believe that no one wants to know.

What movie, poem, album, concert, or song comes to your mind remembering Kris Kristofferson? How do words and music challenge you and inspire you in your life?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally)

Healthy Congregations 092424

For several decades I’ve been trained in and I’ve been a consultant for “Healthy Congregations”. I’ve helped churches apply insights from Murray Bowen’s and Rabbi Ed Friedman’s family systems theory to open their eyes to how a community system functions. The leader’s response to anxious situations determines whether the system promotes health or destructive chaos. I’ve seen various churches “from both sides now” based on the leader’s style.

Today I received a bookmark from Peter L. Steinke’s healthycongregations.com to remind me of the seven responses that promote health in anxious situations. To promote health……

  1. Focus on managing self, not others
  2. Focus on strength, not weakness
  3. Focus on challenge, not comfort
  4. Focus on integrity, not unity
  5. Focus on process, not content
  6. Focus on system, not symptom
  7. Focus on direction, not condition

You may have questions about or want clarification for some of these brief reminders (my mantras). I’d be happy to share insights on the importance of each one, along with stories where each focus promoted health, or where each “not” allowed cancers to spread like a pandemic in a church. 

If you’ve been in any flavor of a religious community, where have you seen the level of maturity of the leader lower the level of anxiety in that system? How might you apply the seven foci of an effective leader in choosing the person you want to lead your community, your state, or your nation? 

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally)

Miracles 091324

After my post “With God on Our Side” on Sept. 4, I’ve been asked if saying “God saved Trump from assassination” breaks the 3rd commandment – You shall not use God’s name in vain. Was it a miracle? I don’t know. I’m glad he wasn’t another casualty of our children whose parents arm better than combat soldiers. Trump did turn to lie about a misleading graphic as the shot only hit his ear — did it help him listen? I don’t know.

I do know this from comforting those who grieve. God doesn’t stop a bullet, grab the wheel from an impaired driver, or pull the innocent off a cross. God allows our choices and God allows us to suffer the consequences of our choices. God grieves with us even when we take no responsibility for our deeds. 

I do know this from personal experience. When God acts in my life, I see a transformation; I see a change, an improvement that lasts more than a few hours. We all see hope, joy, love, peace, resurrection, compassion, justice, empathy whenever God acts in our world and lives..

I do know this from scripture. God tells Elijah: Don’t look for me in enormous earthquakes or violent winds, or consuming fires. I’m not there. Listen for me in the silence, the still small voice. (1 Kings 19).

Maybe, maybe God’s action was in the small act of our nation’s president Biden getting Covid. When Covid forced him to stop “running” and listen to the still small voice of God and advisors to focus on the remainder of his presidency and pass the mantle to Kamala Harris, was that a miracle? I don’t know. But I wonder. Do you see any signs of transformation, resurrection, hope, joy, unity, empathy, and love? That’s usually a good sign God’s involved.

When have you been transformed by God acting through your suffering beyond your control? What signs do you look for to see God at work in the world? When do you listen in silence to the still small voice of God?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally) · 3 Comments

Shake the Other Hand 091124

In Matthew’s Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught non-violent active resistance to evildoers. “If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek.” What’s so special about the right cheek? For someone to slap you with their palm on your right cheek, they’d have to use their left hand. But there was no way to do that. Every left hand was unclean (you only used your left hand to wipe yourself before toilet paper — enough said). 

To slap you on your right cheek the evildoer would have to use the back of his right hand. It was a put-down of abusers overpowering those they saw as “less than”. Husbands could backslap wives, slave owners could backslap slaves, Romans could backslap the occupied people of Palestine. Any of the powerless who hit back could be severely punished — even executed.

But if you “turn the other cheek” then you are inviting him to slap you with his right palm on your left cheek — no law against that. BUT…. IF he does, he is treating you as equal to him — no backhands, face to face, palm to cheek — equals. You resist an evildoer by putting a backhanding abuser in a quandary. Do I slap you as an equal or do I walk away? Jesus’ suggestion to “turn the other cheek” is not weak or wimpy. It is an act of power — do whatever the Empire lets you do — “when you’re the star they let you get by with anything” — but treat me as an equal.

Preachers search for contemporary illustrations for ancient sayings of Jesus. Before last night’s debate began preachers got such a gift. The man who has a lifetime of backhand slapping insults, racist divisions, liabilities for sexual assault and slander of women, using threats of violence and lawless abuse of power to make others afraid walked in. He was unprepared for the debate, but mostly he was unprepared to be cornered by a “presidential” candidate who walked up to him, offered her hand, and said her name correctly. When he shook her hand, he was the loser. He gave into her demand that she be treated as an equal — standing face to face and shaking hands. Shake the other hand revealed the modern meaning of religious wisdom to turn the other cheek.

When have you seen the power of non-violent actions disarming the abuse of power? What or who helped you stand up for yourself with dignity and confidence? What attributes do you look for in a good leader of communities you are in?

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally) · 1 Comment

Snakes on a Plane 090924

The evening of August 19, I had an interesting experience flying home on Delta airlines. There were videos on the back of each seat with headphones. Each passenger could choose to watch live TV, listen to music, see a game or many movies. Being the first night of the Democratic National Convention, I wanted to hear some speeches after watching the Republican Convention three weeks before. 

I chose a channel from a news source that showed what was actually going on. Other screens I could see from other seats had Fox on. While I listened to Coach Steve Kerr talk about the Olympics, teamwork, and the attributes of a positive leader, the Fox screens only showed Hannity talking — before a screen of buildings burning while Trump was president. Then Fox showed a long-shot image of crowds at the convention while Hannity and Ingraham continued their conversation over every speaker I heard. 

I wonder if commentators were telling congregants what was being said instead of “letting” you “judge for yourself” by actually listening. I wonder if it’s like pastors who tell you what the Bible says when they don’t like you to see what is in the Bible. Could showing an image of a convention hall allow Fox to say “they covered the convention”? After we landed I wondered if Fox showed US Senator Raphael Warnock’s “sermon” or Jamie Raskin’s insights to Trump’s actions in the weeks before and on the day of Jan. 6 trying to steal an election he lost.

Where do you see divisions based on differences in people’s sources of information? How do you try to overcome confirmation bias (being only comfortable with information that confirms what you already believe)? How do you burst your bubble to discover what information is true? 

Posted on by Wallis Landrum (Wally) · 2 Comments

With God On Our Side 090424

My deepest theological roots were watered by the poetry of Bob Dylan. As a youth I spent hours each day in the presence of two-sided LPs by BD, JB, K3, AG, S&G, and PPM. Meanwhile, each unrhythmic Sunday sermon was sort of listened to one time only. Baez’s rendition of Dylan’s song “With God On Our Side” inspired a lifetime of resisting religious justification for the conquest of violent victories. “If God were on our side, he’d stop the next war.”

As I matured, I learned that the third commandment was not about childish cussing. Using the Lord’s name in a “wrongful way” (or in vain) was more about misrepresenting God. Thou shalt not use God to justify actions that actually go against God’s desire for us. Thou shalt not say God is on our side and against them — when we proclaim “there is no them”. Thou shalt not use God’s name to justify violence, oppression, racism, sexism, pyramids over tables, to name a few.

Later still I was taught that the worst wars and most violent acts in human history have been done in the name of God — and the times aren’t changing today. The song “With God On Our Side” revealed the importance of learning lessons from history instead of ignoring or distorting history; after all, every LP has 2 sides. How many times can a preacher proclaim the all-powerful prefers “his” politician? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.

Which song lyrics have influenced your beliefs and impacted your life? What songs inspire you,, lift you up, and bring you joy? Which genre of music spoke to each age and stage of your life?