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Snakes on a Plane 090924

The evening of August 19, I had an interesting experience flying home on Delta airlines. There were videos on the back of each seat with headphones. Each passenger could choose to watch live TV, listen to music, see a game or many movies. Being the first night of the Democratic National Convention, I wanted to hear some speeches after watching the Republican Convention three weeks before. 

I chose a channel from a news source that showed what was actually going on. Other screens I could see from other seats had Fox on. While I listened to Coach Steve Kerr talk about the Olympics, teamwork, and the attributes of a positive leader, the Fox screens only showed Hannity talking — before a screen of buildings burning while Trump was president. Then Fox showed a long-shot image of crowds at the convention while Hannity and Ingraham continued their conversation over every speaker I heard. 

I wonder if commentators were telling congregants what was being said instead of “letting” you “judge for yourself” by actually listening. I wonder if it’s like pastors who tell you what the Bible says when they don’t like you to see what is in the Bible. Could showing an image of a convention hall allow Fox to say “they covered the convention”? After we landed I wondered if Fox showed US Senator Raphael Warnock’s “sermon” or Jamie Raskin’s insights to Trump’s actions in the weeks before and on the day of Jan. 6 trying to steal an election he lost.

Where do you see divisions based on differences in people’s sources of information? How do you try to overcome confirmation bias (being only comfortable with information that confirms what you already believe)? How do you burst your bubble to discover what information is true? 

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With God On Our Side 090424

My deepest theological roots were watered by the poetry of Bob Dylan. As a youth I spent hours each day in the presence of two-sided LPs by BD, JB, K3, AG, S&G, and PPM. Meanwhile, each unrhythmic Sunday sermon was sort of listened to one time only. Baez’s rendition of Dylan’s song “With God On Our Side” inspired a lifetime of resisting religious justification for the conquest of violent victories. “If God were on our side, he’d stop the next war.”

As I matured, I learned that the third commandment was not about childish cussing. Using the Lord’s name in a “wrongful way” (or in vain) was more about misrepresenting God. Thou shalt not use God to justify actions that actually go against God’s desire for us. Thou shalt not say God is on our side and against them — when we proclaim “there is no them”. Thou shalt not use God’s name to justify violence, oppression, racism, sexism, pyramids over tables, to name a few.

Later still I was taught that the worst wars and most violent acts in human history have been done in the name of God — and the times aren’t changing today. The song “With God On Our Side” revealed the importance of learning lessons from history instead of ignoring or distorting history; after all, every LP has 2 sides. How many times can a preacher proclaim the all-powerful prefers “his” politician? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.

Which song lyrics have influenced your beliefs and impacted your life? What songs inspire you,, lift you up, and bring you joy? Which genre of music spoke to each age and stage of your life?

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Right to Pray Right Aug 28, 2024

At 17 I asked myself whether God had spared my church and my home when the 4/3/74 tornado did damage all around both. Had I done something right to be rewarded? Had others suffered God’s wrathful punishment? Should I thank God for sparing “me and my house” who serve the Lord our way, while punishing those outside my “tribe”? Is it just to pray, “Thank you God for sparing me and destroying them”?

When I read Matthew 5, I see that God gives the sun’s warmth and the rain’s nourishment to the just and the unjust, the nice and the nasty alike. God doesn’t play favorites and neither should I by only loving the lovable. 

As a teacher of “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent” I learned that allowing consequences to befall behavior is more effective than rewards and punishments. I came to believe that God’s ways are not transactional – the art of the deal. God’s ways are relational – compassionately suffering with us as we learn and mature through the consequences of our choices.

I am thankful that I have the right to pray anywhere, anytime. I am thankful I have the right not to be preyed upon by those who force their prayers on me. I seek to use my right to pray to pray right. When I request something from God, I talk to God about how it might affect others.

A rabbi’s deep wisdom asked me a question, “If you are heading home, and you see smoke coming from your neighborhood, is it ethical to pray, ‘O God, don’t let it be my house.’”

How do you answer the rabbi’s question? Where do you see God portrayed as punishing us BY our sin (consequences) instead of FOR our sin (retribution)? Which God are you drawn to?

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Clergy Killer Response Aug 14, 2024

The book I read in 1999, Clergy Killers by Lloyd Redinger, (Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) lists on page 9 the 6 D’s that flawed and fatal bullies faithfully follow.

  1. Destructive: Clergy killers are marked by intentional destructiveness. They don’t just disagree or criticize, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. Their tactics include sabotage, subverting worthy causes, inciting others to do their dirty work.
  2. Determined: Clergy killers don’t stop. They may go underground or change tactics, but they will find ways to intimidate and break any rules of decency to accomplish their destruction.
  3. Deceitful: Clergy killers manipulate, camouflage, misrepresent, and accuse others of their own tactics. Their statements and negotiations are not trust-worthy. As masters of disguise they present themselves as pious members, who are “only doing this for the good of the church.” Often they convince naive parishioners that they are raising legitimate issues.
  4. Demonic: Clergy killers are evil and may be mentally disordered, depending on how you define behaviors that do not yield to patience and love, or honor human decency. Other leaders become symbols and scapegoats for the internal pain they feel.
  5. Denial: Most of us don’t want to admit to the reality of clergy killers, nor do we acknowledge the intentional damage they cause. Members who believe “this shouldn’t be happening in the church,” convince themselves it isn’t really happening or their threats and terror tactics aren’t that bad; this gives unrestrained power that leaves the church vulnerable.
  6. Discernment: This is the prescriptive sixth “D.” The spiritual gift of discernment is God’s grace that opens eyes to see and understand evil. Discernment is followed by confronting evil, which works best, of course, in a healthy community of faith. (End quote)

Like any body/organism, the best way to overcome a cancer is to strengthen the health of the body. Leaders who recognize this type can act with humor, hope, joy, and compassion (not with a return of violence, prejudice, and hate) to allow God’s grace and love to flow through the community. As with any system, non-reactive and steady leadership builds healthy communities. 

Although this was written 27 years ago for church communities, what speaks to you about whatever communities are yours? How does naming and confronting evil with peace, love, joy, and hope lead to an abundant life? Who in your life’s experiences dod you recall from this type?

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Clergy Killers August 13, 2024

In 1999 a pastor in a “Healthy Congregations” workshop told us about a man who told his board, “A lot of people are complaining to me about our pastor.” The board members wisely asked him to identify “a lot of people,” but he refused to name them — “to preserve confidentiality”. They asked for specific examples of complaints; he refused to give them — only generalities. He threatened the board, “You’d better take action because so many of these important members will leave the church and take their donations with them.”

After an investigation, when no evidence was found to back up the threats, the bully relentlessly escalated — accusations now went from he’s not visiting enough to financial and “maybe” sexual abuse. Some wondered what truth there might be to these attacks. The pastor doubted himself and his call to be a servant leader. After his heart attack, when he swore that “the whole church is against me”, it was revealed it was two cruel people who brought the carnage and chaos.

That’s when I read the book Clergy Killers that had been published in 1997. I learned how often clergy killers bully their way to power in a church. When pastors think the whole church was against them, it is almost always 2 or 3 — what we began to call a TLG (that little group).

From the introduction to the book: People rightly often criticize and disagree with their minister, but clergy killers are intentionally destructive. Whether you call them mentally ill or evil, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. They call on others to do their dirty work, subvert worthy causes, lead acts of sabotage, and cause their victims to self-destruct.  (Pg 9 Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations Under Attack, G. Lloyd Redinger, 1997, Westminster John Knox Press).

Have you ever experienced someone bent on destruction who says “somebody should look into” some false accusation? What is it about a church that allows clergy killers to gain so much power? Read the book, or stay tuned if you want to learn some positive ways to respond.

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My Gang  May 24, 2024

My high school church youth group was my gang. Our initiation was professing shared beliefs. When I felt out of place elsewhere, I was welcomed and supported by them. I only dated the girls in the gang. I could be their leader when I felt like a nobody elsewhere. Our perspectives weren’t limited by poverty; we were made myopic by our neighborhood of white wealth. We went door to door, not with threats, but with invitations to help us collect magazines and newspapers for Louisville’s new recycling center; we sought to preserve God’s creation. We invaded our streets by cleaning up dozens of homes destroyed by the 1974 tornado. Our “West Side Story” was “Godspell” where I was to perform the role of Jesus.

Our church allowed our group to talk about almost anything. We asked deep questions with complex answers as we began to evolve beyond a childish christian faith. We ate, laughed, traveled, and played together. We role-played in situation games to learn about ourselves, others, and life. We couldn’t come to a moral consensus when one older brother fought in Viet Nam, and one older brother objected; we still supported each other.

Maybe my experience helps me understand the pressure adult gangs feel to normalize white christian nationalism in their religious or political groups. I have to confess that in my youth group I doubt I would have put truth over tribe, because of my stronger desire to be liked and accepted. My explanation cannot be an excuse.

How have you felt accepted by a religious, social, or political community? Where was your vision limited by your gang? When have you felt pressured to put tribe over truth and how have you responded?

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“Are There Any Women Here?”  May 8, 2024

Seminary was an inspirational practice of one small society of shared study, service, and support seeking to live into the good news that Jesus of Nazareth proclaimed as the empire of God. Most of our twenty-something class were twenty-something ourselves. One third of our class were women, which set a new record. 

Presbyterians began ordaining women as ruling elders in 1930. As we entered seminary in 1979 Presbyterians had been ordaining women as teaching elders (ministers) for 23 years (all my life) — as short or long as the distance to “9/11” from today. Most churches were supporting my classmates with the high cost of seminary (and the personal cost of their beloved calling). 

Yet, the women had stories of stumbling blocks placed in their path of following the way of Jesus. Some men justified their prejudice with biased biblical babel, reciting a few verses they used to keep women (and God) from having a choice. The struggle meant that the most gifted and talented in my class were the ones who had persevered through the obstacles. 

When we experienced together a new movie called “Life of Brian” and the scene that asked of the bearded stoners “Are there any women here?”, we laughed until we cried. Four years later, I cried as we compared job interview stories. While churches actually asked me about my calling, my gifts for ministry, what I loved about serving God, my hopes and dreams for the church…..  some of my friends were actually asked, “What do you wear under your robe?”, “Can you lock up the church at night?”, “Do you have a preacher voice?”

When have you been made to feel “less than” another person? What has diminished your freedom to choose? How has overcoming obstacles strengthened your abilities? 

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The All-American Smile

I was sixteen when I saw the movie “The Way We Were”. One scene has stayed with me for 50 years. Hubbell Gardiner’s college professor praises and reads his essay to the class. It was entitled “The All-American Smile.” Maybe the scene was the beginning of a life-long dream to have anyone appreciate my writing in school, church, or online.

The words that the screenwriter set in the late 1930’s are what have stayed with me for five decades. “In a way, he was like the country he lived in. Everything came too easily to him, but at least he knew it.” Sitting in the dark theater beside my date, I knew that everything came too easily to me. I couldn’t take credit for the “pre-natal brilliance” of choosing my family of origin. I couldn’t change my birthright. So that night I vowed to remain aware of it.

When I read memoirs sharing personal struggles about how to overcome this, or how to overcome that, I think that my memoir title would be: “How to Overcome an Easy Life.” I’ve sought ways to be aware of, grateful for, and responsive to what I’ve received in life. My ministry has given me the privilege of compassionately walking beside individuals through their suffering, finding meaning in the struggles I have, and seeking inclusion, liberty, and justice for all.

Today on the Web I discovered I’d remembered the quote verbatim, but I also learned the next line: “About once a month he worried that he was a fraud. But then most everyone he knew was more fraudulent.” Guess I should have kept paying attention that first night.

What have you received from others in your life? What struggles do you continue to face today? What has come too easily to you? How do you practice an awareness of gratitude?

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William Sloane Coffin

During my final year of seminary, as 1983 began, I heard a taped sermon that transformed my life—an all-too-rare occurrence.

The sermon by William Sloane Coffin at the Riverside Church in NYC begins with words I would never forget: “As almost all of you know, a week ago last Monday night, driving in a terrible storm, my son Alexander – who to his friends was a real day-brightener, and to his family ‘fair as a star when only one is shining in the sky’ – my twenty-four-year-old Alexander, who enjoyed beating his old man at every game and in every race, beat his father to the grave.”

10 days after his son died in a wreck, the father preached this sermon to his church January 23, 1983. You can search the sermon online; you can download the audio through his archives site.

As a pastor and hospice chaplain for 35 years, Coffin’s words still ring true: “When a person dies, there are many things that can be said, and there is at least one thing that should never be said. The night after Alex died I was sitting in the living room of my sister’s house outside of Boston, when the front door opened and in came a nice-looking, middle-aged woman, carrying about eighteen quiches. When she saw me, she shook her head, then headed for the kitchen, saying sadly over her shoulder, ‘I just don’t understand the will of God.’ Instantly I was up and in hot pursuit, swarming all over her. ‘I’ll say you don’t, lady!’ I said.”

“For some reason, nothing so infuriates me as the incapacity of seemingly intelligent people to get it through their heads that God doesn’t go around this world with his fingers on triggers, his fists around knives, his hands on steering wheels. God is dead set against all unnatural deaths……. My own consolation lies in knowing that it was not the will of God that Alex die; that when the waves closed over the sinking car, God’s heart was the first of all our hearts to break.”

Since 1983, I have imagined being in hot pursuit, swarming all over many funeral consolers. With all the best intentions to protect God or insulate pain, I have overheard each of my top twenty list of deadly things to say to a grieving person. 

When you put your personal grief into words, what do you think, write, or say? Which cultural comments have not been helpful to your grief work and journey? What expressions and actions have brought you transformative comfort? 

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The Happy Hypocrite (Colorado Kool-Aid Continued)

man sitting on steps posing

I told my psychology professor what had happened and that I was never going back. He said, “If you don’t go back, you won’t complete the assignment; you will get a D. If you complete the assignment; you’ll probably earn an A or B. You choose.”

“But what if that guy’s still there? How can I face him?” I whined. My teacher replied, “I hope he is there. Then you can apologize for the buckle and ask him for another chance.” 

I went. He was. I did. He invited me to sit and talk. He gave me another chance.

During the first 20 minutes of a 1000 worship services in my 20 years of living, I had been told I was forgiven. Sometimes I paid more attention than others. Here I was truly experiencing forgiveness in an unforgettable way.

That man became the first of many persons with alcohol use disorder whose story I’ve heard and whose path I’ve walked alongside. I have seen families, lives, and relationships ruined by severe problem drinking—some publicly, some privately. I have seen people find a way to live an abundant life one day at a time through the help of a community and a higher power.

As I grew older, I would learn that Jesus of Nazareth had a few things to say about hypocrites.  Many people tell me they don’t come to church because it’s full of hypocrites. I’m quick to quip: “There’s always room for one more.”  

That day, I became a happy hypocrite, because my clueless belt buckle led to forgiveness which led to trust. Today I join other happy hypocrites who share a vision of God’s Kingdom that we strive for and never complete. What we proclaim is always greater than what we accomplish. Somewhere between being a damned no-good do-gooder and fulfilling all God’s good will for the whole creation lies where you and I find ourselves along the path.

When have you been given a second chance? How have you been told you are forgiven by God? What’s your story of when you forgave another person? What is a hope, a vision, a dream you have that you can never fully fulfill?