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Never Had the Brother of Jesus 04132026
Moby Dick 03122025
I don’t recall reading every word of Moby Dick after “Call me Ishmael”, but I do remember my high school classmates calling the book “The Biggest Dick”. Maybe it was the size of the tome or a synopsis of Captain Ahab. Melville scholars say the original title was “Mocha Dick — the White Whale.” Today a small cell phone is a “Moby” and a “Trenta” is the biggest Iced Mocha at Starbucks.
Speaking of Starbucks…. my favorite character in the 1851 novel is the first mate “Starbuck”. He repeatedly warns Ahab that his egotistical maniacal quest is suicidal for the ship’s crew, immoral for humanity, and against the laws of nature. Seeing the captain has no well-reasoned pragmatic plan, no boundaries on his narcissism, no sense of morality, no limit to his prideful retaliatory vengeance, no compassion for the crew, Starbuck contemplates ever more drastic actions to stop him before it’s too late.
Even though he’s their first mate, the crew chooses to remain loyal to Ahab’s powerful personality. Over against the crew’s increasing unease and fear throughout their erratic voyage, the captain’s charisma and his promise of a fleeting future financial reward keep them cowardly conspiring to sail the ship to its destruction.
Like the captain and crew, Starbuck suffers the consequences he tried to prevent. The sole survivor is Ishmael, rescued by another ship while floating on the coffin of his best friend, Queequeg, a skilled harpooner from a different race and culture.
Fourscore minus seven years ago, and a century after the novel, the film starring Gregory Peck, and directed by John Houston was released. If you watch it or read it, what are your reactions to this work of fiction?
Checkmate 110624 (100520)
{I wrote this on Oct. 5, 2020 for the church I served then. Recycling today…}
I’m not sure if it was 5th or 6th grade, but I remember the humiliation. I competed in my school’s chess tournament and I won each match until the finals! The championship game was played in front of our entire class. My time in the spotlight ended in four moves.
Before it barely began, it was over; 4 moves — checkmate. While my classmates were spared the boredom of a long match, I was publicly defeated. Then it got worse. A friend said, “Don’t feel so bad, Wallis. He beat everyone else like that. He learned those moves from the Encyclopedia Britannica. It’s called ‘Fool’s Mate’.” After years of playing chess, I suffered the agony of defeat at the hands of a kid who looked up “chess” in an encyclopedia — making a fool out of me.
When I later learned the correct term is “Scholar’s Mate”, I still felt foolish. Furthermore, I felt frustration that no one had warned me. Why didn’t my friends inform me about how he’d beat them? Was anyone really my friend? Why hadn’t I looked up chess instead of playing it? Why couldn’t I have lost earlier before the finals? How would I live with my public and private humiliation?
Maybe that’s one of my early calls to ministry. In this version of “Scholar’s Mate”, I study the Bible, commentaries, and the teachings of spiritual leaders more than many. I spend a lot of my time warning my friends. I am sensitive to listening for the pride and humiliation in others because of my experience. I learned life lessons from the consequences of playing childhood chess; thankfully the cost of those lessons was low.
God offers us choices and consequences in our lives. We are given the choice to learn lessons from our experience, or to ignore them. I believe God allows us to suffer the consequences of our actions, because “we not punished for our sin as much as we are punished by our sin.” Some lessons are learned when the cost of our choice is low. Some lessons are delayed until the cost is greater. Sometimes we suffer the consequences of the choices of others.
How have your past life lessons impacted your present? What are the consequences of your choices and actions teaching you today? How do you open your heart, mind, and body to what God is trying to teach you in your personal checkmate?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer Oct 21 2024
My study of German language & history in college and my study of christianity in seminary came together in one hero: Dietrich Bonhoeffer. At the age of 27, January 1933, two days after Hitler was installed as Chancellor, pastor and teacher Bonhoeffer delivered a radio address in which he warned Germany against “slipping into an idolatrous cult of the Führer (leader), who could very well turn out to be Verführer (misleader, seducer)” before his broadcast was cut off.
I was transformed by Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s 1937 seminal book “The Cost of Discipleship” (Nachfolge – following) which contains: “cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline, communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without taking the cross, grace without Jesus Christ, living and incarnate.”
The “German Evangelical Church” (Deutsche Evangelische Kirche) revealed just how costly cheap grace can be. As they became the German Christian movement, the evangelical church followed Hitler’s demand (with the threat of violence) that Nazi doctrine be preached by all 18,000 pastors to unify the 45 million protestants in Germany — religion supporting fascism.
Bonhoeffer and others resisted Hitler’s control of the church with their “Confessing Church Movement.” In 1934 the Barmen Declaration (written by theologian Karl Barth) said that Christ is the Head of the Church, not the Führer (leader). The Barmen Declaration remains in our presbyterian church’s “Book of Confessions” in case that question ever came up again. 20% of church leaders took the risk of following Jesus. God only knows why 80% chose Hitler as their Führer (leader) instead of Yahweh. Popular rarely equals righteous.
After leading underground seminaries (forbidden to speak in public), on the 10th anniversary of his radio address about a dictator on day one, he was imprisoned as an enemy from within. Four weeks before Germany’s surrender, Dietrich Bonhoeffer was executed in Flossenbürg Concentration Camp on April 9, 1945. His last book, “Letters and Papers from Prison” was published seven years later to inspire future generations.
If you’d like to learn more, Home Brewed Christianity is in the midst of an excellent online course and podcast called “The Rise of Bonhoeffer”. There’s a new movie about him coming soon. What bells of the past do you hear ringing today? What risks are you taking with your secret ballot?
Delusions 101424
During my seminary class in pastoral care the professor said, “My first assignment in Clinical Pastoral Education at a mental hospital was to talk the patients out of their delusions. All of us failed that assignment; some of us took longer to give up. If you’re under the delusion that a rational argument will sway a delusional person, then I can give you the same assignment.” I’m reflecting on that lesson on this 17th anniversary of my being committed to Mid-MO mental hospital after my first (and only) Bi-Polar One manic psychotic break with reality.
On this day in 2007, when I called my sister to inform her that I was in charge of resetting the economy like the Jubilee Year that Jesus proclaimed, fifty years of being my sister and thirty years of being a psychologist came together in tears. After I hung up, she called my wife to inform her I was manic and nothing could talk me down. She told her to shelter our son safely in another home, to have someone with me at all times so I didn’t disappear, and to pray that I would do something bad enough to get committed for treatment, but not bad enough that I ruined the rest of my life. That was a very fine line to walk, but that prayer was answered fully.
Medication treated my delusions, counseling helped me deal with stressful antagonists, spiritual direction taught me practices for grieving, and nine months of disability let me rest to return to ministry in my old church as a new pastor. I can only imagine the damage I might have done if I had enablers who gave me power as they tried to say my delusions were real. I am glad for those who challenged my lies, and for our rule of law that allowed a judge who was and is my friend to sign my committal papers to get me the help I needed to be who I am today.
What is your experience with a person struggling with mental illness and seeking mental health? Describe a time you struggled to rationally talk another person out of their delusions? Who has helped you grow into a better person?
Betrayal 10-03-2024
Her name was Leslie? I seldom mention names in these reflections, but it may have been fake. She sprung into my frat house the spring of my sophomore year at Emory. For weeks, we shared several socials together until I left for summer study in Vienna, Austria. Upon my return in the fall, I fell into two betrayals.
The first was a feared betrayal that wasn’t. The fraternal code was broken by a brother seeking to oversee Leslie’s availability — while I was unavailable overseas. Like Jacob to his brother Esau, he was afraid of how I might react to being betrayed. I told the three friends sent to “confess on his behalf” that I really had no claim on or plans for a relationship. I trusted women to make decisions about their lives.
The betrayal that didn’t matter resulted in the one that did. I was told that Leslie lied to me. He wanted to protect me with his discovery that she was in high school, not college; she lived at home, not an apartment, and on and on. I didn’t want to believe it. How could I have been so gullible? What kind of person would lie repeatedly? What was her motive? Experiencing someone who knows the truth while repeatedly lying dispelled my naïveté.
Some of her statements that had seemed a little off, now began to make sense. My ego-protecting denial eroded, as my pride crumbled. Everyone knew I had been conned; they saw the usurper as the better investigator. I wonder how that experience influenced my future visceral reactions to religious and political leaders who confidently con followers with deception. I hope my embarrassment helped my compassion for other people — I wouldn’t want to waste the pain.
When have you realized someone had been lying to you? How did you react? What actions ended or restored your trust? How long did it take to move forward?
Stop It 08232024
Clergy Killer Response Aug 14, 2024
The book I read in 1999, Clergy Killers by Lloyd Redinger, (Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) lists on page 9 the 6 D’s that flawed and fatal bullies faithfully follow.
- Destructive: Clergy killers are marked by intentional destructiveness. They don’t just disagree or criticize, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. Their tactics include sabotage, subverting worthy causes, inciting others to do their dirty work.
- Determined: Clergy killers don’t stop. They may go underground or change tactics, but they will find ways to intimidate and break any rules of decency to accomplish their destruction.
- Deceitful: Clergy killers manipulate, camouflage, misrepresent, and accuse others of their own tactics. Their statements and negotiations are not trust-worthy. As masters of disguise they present themselves as pious members, who are “only doing this for the good of the church.” Often they convince naive parishioners that they are raising legitimate issues.
- Demonic: Clergy killers are evil and may be mentally disordered, depending on how you define behaviors that do not yield to patience and love, or honor human decency. Other leaders become symbols and scapegoats for the internal pain they feel.
- Denial: Most of us don’t want to admit to the reality of clergy killers, nor do we acknowledge the intentional damage they cause. Members who believe “this shouldn’t be happening in the church,” convince themselves it isn’t really happening or their threats and terror tactics aren’t that bad; this gives unrestrained power that leaves the church vulnerable.
- Discernment: This is the prescriptive sixth “D.” The spiritual gift of discernment is God’s grace that opens eyes to see and understand evil. Discernment is followed by confronting evil, which works best, of course, in a healthy community of faith. (End quote)
Like any body/organism, the best way to overcome a cancer is to strengthen the health of the body. Leaders who recognize this type can act with humor, hope, joy, and compassion (not with a return of violence, prejudice, and hate) to allow God’s grace and love to flow through the community. As with any system, non-reactive and steady leadership builds healthy communities.
Although this was written 27 years ago for church communities, what speaks to you about whatever communities are yours? How does naming and confronting evil with peace, love, joy, and hope lead to an abundant life? Who in your life’s experiences dod you recall from this type?
Clergy Killers August 13, 2024
In 1999 a pastor in a “Healthy Congregations” workshop told us about a man who told his board, “A lot of people are complaining to me about our pastor.” The board members wisely asked him to identify “a lot of people,” but he refused to name them — “to preserve confidentiality”. They asked for specific examples of complaints; he refused to give them — only generalities. He threatened the board, “You’d better take action because so many of these important members will leave the church and take their donations with them.”
After an investigation, when no evidence was found to back up the threats, the bully relentlessly escalated — accusations now went from he’s not visiting enough to financial and “maybe” sexual abuse. Some wondered what truth there might be to these attacks. The pastor doubted himself and his call to be a servant leader. After his heart attack, when he swore that “the whole church is against me”, it was revealed it was two cruel people who brought the carnage and chaos.
That’s when I read the book Clergy Killers that had been published in 1997. I learned how often clergy killers bully their way to power in a church. When pastors think the whole church was against them, it is almost always 2 or 3 — what we began to call a TLG (that little group).
From the introduction to the book: People rightly often criticize and disagree with their minister, but clergy killers are intentionally destructive. Whether you call them mentally ill or evil, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. They call on others to do their dirty work, subvert worthy causes, lead acts of sabotage, and cause their victims to self-destruct. (Pg 9 Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations Under Attack, G. Lloyd Redinger, 1997, Westminster John Knox Press).
Have you ever experienced someone bent on destruction who says “somebody should look into” some false accusation? What is it about a church that allows clergy killers to gain so much power? Read the book, or stay tuned if you want to learn some positive ways to respond.
Covid Contemplation
Last Monday I went to a funeral; last Wednesday I got Covid-19 — for a second time. This variant had harsher symptoms. Thankfully, I had my vaccinations and boosters and I qualified for Plaxlovid that keeps it from getting worse.
Some friends were surprised that Covid is still around. They were unaware that at least 600 people a day still die of Covid and 3000 a day are hospitalized. It’s no longer a pandemic that affects all of us, but it sure affects those real people, their families, and friends.
During my lying around, I recalled giving part-time pastoral care to a church at the outbreak of Covid. This is the fourth anniversary of when I was forced from taking homebound communion, leading nursing home services, and visiting people at home to writing notes or making phone calls — lots and lots of phone calls. Not going in person was now the loving act.
Maybe it was fever fog or Covid brain, but it dawned on me that I was prepared for phone counseling back in 1979 when I was 22. I was a Psychology major at Emory and I entered seminary to do pastoral care in a church. My mentor suggested I volunteer with “Contact Richmond” which was a 24-hour, 800 number, phone counseling service in the basement of a church near my seminary. Since I learned to pull all-nighters in college, I took the 11 pm to 7 am shift every Thursday.
I contemplated changes in technology that makes phone counseling from a church basement a dinosaur. I grieved the changes that haven’t occurred in access to affordable and available mental health services. I reflected on some of the phone calls I received 45 years ago. One man called every month or two; he was bi-polar and when he was off his lithium and manic we’d talk for three hours until he was tired out. I guess I was being prepared for being bi-polar too.
What earlier experiences in your life prepared you for a challenge now? How has grieving in the past strengthened you for griefs today? When have you been surprised by skills you’ve been given you weren’t seeking?