Love Can Build a Bridge 08-20-24
This week, Nancy and I were blessed to travel with 24 Missouri friends to Grand Cayman. We had arranged our days around Paul & Julie Overstreet as he gave private performances at each sunset — on the beach, in a bar, on a sailboat. I knew many songs Paul wrote, but I learned that he co-wrote with Naomi Judd and John Barlow Thomas “Love Can Build a Bridge”.
I told Paul that when I heard about the Judds farewell concert in 1991 and Naomi’s hepatitis C that was making her weak and her lifespan uncertain, I watched it live on TV (now on YouTube). The last song was Naomi’s farewell: “love can build a bridge between your heart and mine, love can build a bridge, don’t you think it’s time.”
When a choir came out and Wynonna belted out the “bridge” to the song: “When we stand together, it’s our finest hour; we can do anything, keep believin’ in the power,” I lost it. I sat in front a TV with two singers I didn’t know and a song I’d never heard before, and I wept slobbering tears. Maybe it was their authenticity, the beauty of the song, the ill farewell, my marriage bridge crumbling.
Just before saying, “It’s been quite a ride,” Naomi reassured her daughter with the words: “I believe in love; and I believe in hope” and she looked up to God; that only added to my flowing waters, because I still believe in love over indifference and hope over despair.
As a caring human being, I don’t trust people who build walls of separation and tear down others with cruel attacks. As a disciple of Jesus, I seek to be a bridge builder recalling that faith, hope, and love can build a bridge, because we can do anything, anything when we stand together…. don’t you think it’s time?
Which song moved you the first time you heard it? (I invite you to share your story with a person you trust.) When have you been fully present to an event that was so authentic you felt a part of that community? How are you seeking to stand together with others to be love’s bridge builder.
Clergy Killer Response Aug 14, 2024
The book I read in 1999, Clergy Killers by Lloyd Redinger, (Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) lists on page 9 the 6 D’s that flawed and fatal bullies faithfully follow.
- Destructive: Clergy killers are marked by intentional destructiveness. They don’t just disagree or criticize, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. Their tactics include sabotage, subverting worthy causes, inciting others to do their dirty work.
- Determined: Clergy killers don’t stop. They may go underground or change tactics, but they will find ways to intimidate and break any rules of decency to accomplish their destruction.
- Deceitful: Clergy killers manipulate, camouflage, misrepresent, and accuse others of their own tactics. Their statements and negotiations are not trust-worthy. As masters of disguise they present themselves as pious members, who are “only doing this for the good of the church.” Often they convince naive parishioners that they are raising legitimate issues.
- Demonic: Clergy killers are evil and may be mentally disordered, depending on how you define behaviors that do not yield to patience and love, or honor human decency. Other leaders become symbols and scapegoats for the internal pain they feel.
- Denial: Most of us don’t want to admit to the reality of clergy killers, nor do we acknowledge the intentional damage they cause. Members who believe “this shouldn’t be happening in the church,” convince themselves it isn’t really happening or their threats and terror tactics aren’t that bad; this gives unrestrained power that leaves the church vulnerable.
- Discernment: This is the prescriptive sixth “D.” The spiritual gift of discernment is God’s grace that opens eyes to see and understand evil. Discernment is followed by confronting evil, which works best, of course, in a healthy community of faith. (End quote)
Like any body/organism, the best way to overcome a cancer is to strengthen the health of the body. Leaders who recognize this type can act with humor, hope, joy, and compassion (not with a return of violence, prejudice, and hate) to allow God’s grace and love to flow through the community. As with any system, non-reactive and steady leadership builds healthy communities.
Although this was written 27 years ago for church communities, what speaks to you about whatever communities are yours? How does naming and confronting evil with peace, love, joy, and hope lead to an abundant life? Who in your life’s experiences dod you recall from this type?
Clergy Killers August 13, 2024
In 1999 a pastor in a “Healthy Congregations” workshop told us about a man who told his board, “A lot of people are complaining to me about our pastor.” The board members wisely asked him to identify “a lot of people,” but he refused to name them — “to preserve confidentiality”. They asked for specific examples of complaints; he refused to give them — only generalities. He threatened the board, “You’d better take action because so many of these important members will leave the church and take their donations with them.”
After an investigation, when no evidence was found to back up the threats, the bully relentlessly escalated — accusations now went from he’s not visiting enough to financial and “maybe” sexual abuse. Some wondered what truth there might be to these attacks. The pastor doubted himself and his call to be a servant leader. After his heart attack, when he swore that “the whole church is against me”, it was revealed it was two cruel people who brought the carnage and chaos.
That’s when I read the book Clergy Killers that had been published in 1997. I learned how often clergy killers bully their way to power in a church. When pastors think the whole church was against them, it is almost always 2 or 3 — what we began to call a TLG (that little group).
From the introduction to the book: People rightly often criticize and disagree with their minister, but clergy killers are intentionally destructive. Whether you call them mentally ill or evil, they insist on inflicting pain and damaging their targets. They call on others to do their dirty work, subvert worthy causes, lead acts of sabotage, and cause their victims to self-destruct. (Pg 9 Clergy Killers: Guidance for Pastors and Congregations Under Attack, G. Lloyd Redinger, 1997, Westminster John Knox Press).
Have you ever experienced someone bent on destruction who says “somebody should look into” some false accusation? What is it about a church that allows clergy killers to gain so much power? Read the book, or stay tuned if you want to learn some positive ways to respond.
Bearing Fruit August 12, 2024
In one of the seven authentic letters the Apostle Paul wrote in the New Testament, Paul says to the church at Galatia (Galatians 5 for those playing at home) that for freedom God has has set us free in the loving way of Jesus. He warns: do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Paul writes 2000 years ago that “the works of the flesh are obvious…. adultery, impurity, licentiousness, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, and things like these.” Those behaviors remain obvious today by those convicted of abuse of power, who divide with fear, who are only faithful to themselves, and whose lies reveal crowd envy.
But then Paul continues with the positive: “By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.” You can never be legally indicted for bearing any of the fruits of the Spirit.
These are not the “gifts of the spirit” — something you inherit or receive. These are fruits — something you cultivate, seek, enjoy, show, and are nourished by as you grow in love and service to God and all humanity.
Friends of mine at “Life in the Trinity Ministry” decided Protestants need prayer beads too; Catholics shouldn’t have a monopoly. For ten years I’ve used the 9 beads to pray for the grace to cultivate the 9 fruits of the sprit in my life. Over time, that one spiritual practice can be transformative.
Where do you see freedom and joy expressed right now? How are you attracted to people who bear the fruit of kindness and self-control? How do you seek to cultivate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in your life?
Serendipity August 9, 2024
A friend at Emory had dreamed about and saved for buying her first car — a Cadillac to be precise. When she entered the dealership in Atlanta, she was shown into a salesman’s office to choose a car to test drive. Without rising from his chair or removing his feet from the desk, he asked her, “Now little lady, honestly, do you think you can afford to buy one of my cars?” She replied, “Mister, I may not be able to afford two but I sure as hell can afford one!”
She sought a better salesman.
In 1977 I was told her Cadillac had been ruined in a wreck, but she was not seriously injured. I called her and said, “I’m so sorry to hear what happened. How are you doing?” She replied, “We’re all devastated and doing the best we can; the family is gathering together to meet his plane. I so appreciate your call..…” I knew we weren’t talking about her car, so I just kept listening.
Her uncle, Bert Lance, was flying home after resigning as the director of the Office of Management and Budget for President Jimmy Carter. He had been accused of mismanagement while serving on the board of a bank in Georgia, and had resigned from OMB to avoid even a hint of scandal so soon after Watergate. (He was later found not guilty).
Three lessons I learned:
- If you call to ask about one thing and the other person wants to talk about something else, go with their topic; don’t insist on yours. After all, it was Bert Lance who popularized the phrase “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
- Serendipity is when you seek one thing and find something else, and God is involved in the difference.
- Timing is everything.
How does my experience remind you of allowing the needs of the other person to steer a conversation? Who do you know who experienced a reputation slowly gained and quickly lost by trumped up charges? How have you found serendipity in seeking one thing and finding another thanks to God’s involvement in the discovery?
Getting It July 24, 2024
Tuesdays with Pauline were spent in the company of our black maid who cleaned our home during my childhood. I remember Pauline’s laughter, her chess pie, her discipline, her love, but I don’t remember her crying…. except once. The second Tuesday of April 1968, I was home from fifth grade watching a funeral procession on our color TV. It reminded me of the one I had watched in first grade on our black and white. Pauline sat with us, shedding so many quiet tears her apron was soaked. I remember hugging her, but I really didn’t get it.
Twenty years later, the thickest book on my shelf was “A Testament of Hope – The Essential Writings and Speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr.” Unlike too many books around it, I actually read this one — moved by his poetic prophetic preaching. During their annual meeting, the fourth week of April 1988, I was given the Mexico Missouri “NAACP Drum Major for Justice Award”. “Why me?” I asked, “I wasn’t even a ‘C’ in the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People.” The presenter replied, “Honey, we’re ALL colored by God — there’s just a variety in the complexion.” I still didn’t get it.
Four years later, the last week of April, my friend and co-leader of youth events was my roomie at a training event at Montreat. The fact that Keith was African American only mattered when we awoke to the news of riots after the Rodney King verdict and I experienced his first reactions. Maybe I was beginning to get it.
The following December Keith and I were at a national training event in Kansas City for “God’s Gift of Human Sexuality” parent and youth curriculum. After eating with a group at KC’s Country Club Plaza, I drove Keith to the Alameda Plaza, a ritzy hotel on a hill with an outstanding view of the Plaza Christmas Lights. As we walked in I said, “We’ll just ride the elevators up to a top floor and look out at all the lights below and come back down.” Keith said, “I don’t think we should, Wally.” I said, “O come on, Keith. It’s great. Just look like you’re going to your room and catch the view from a hall window. I DO IT ALL THE TIME!” With fear and frustration on his face and in his voice, Keith said, “Obviously you don’t do it in my skin!” I think I got it.
What is your experience of my story? Whatever “getting it” means to you, what has helped you to or blocked you from “getting it.”
Suspension July 4, 2024
The final night’s hotel reservation for my high school trip to Washington, DC would have been the last one anyway. Our group’s taste of freedom and liquor resulted in an ice-bucket water-war that spilled into the hall and the floor below. If I hadn’t participated, it was because I wasn’t invited; I would have done almost anything to fit in. All of us were incriminated in a hotel suite “class action” suit.
The night we returned, my father came to my room to inform me that the school had informed him that I faced a 3-day suspension. (I thought being punished by missing school was like Br’er Rabbit begging Br’er Fox not to be thrown in the brier patch.) Dad and I decided the ground rules for my confinement.
Today, as I recall the disappointment in my father’s eyes, I admire his actions.
He did not let me avoid the consequences, use his influence to get me off, or rescue me from the results. I’ve observed how dangerous powerful people who never are held accountable for their actions can be. I was allowed to take personal responsibility, as I learned a lesson about collective responsibility.
He did not punish the punishment. He allowed the consequences without adding to them. He was not angry or violent; he did not abandon me or withhold his love. He suffered shame with me.
That’s one experience that led to my view about God. We are not punished for our sins; we are punished by our sins. God does not smite us with bad things in our lives. God does not rescue us from the consequences of our personal and collective responsibilities. God does not seek retribution with violence and vengeance. God suffers with us. As I learned in high school Latin “com-passion” literally means to suffer with.
How has seeking to be saved from responsibility kept you from learning from your mistakes? Where do you see the lack of personal and corporate responsibility enabling escalating problems like gun violence and climate change? How has being punished by your sin helped you cultivate an abundant life?
Life Islands June 7, 2024
On Sunday evening, as I went into my hospital room, my parents went out. It wasn’t personal; it was business. They had been invited to dinner with the CEO of M.D. Anderson Hospital. I was left alone to listen to “Godspell” on a cassette tape while my youth group was performing it live.
One nurse sensed my sadness. She sat with me as I told her about my friends, my church, and what I was missing that night. Back then, on a slow Sunday, a nurse had time to be present for over an hour. Back then, I was admitted on Sunday for a surgery on Wednesday. I was 18 and healthy, and I needed something to fill the two days of waiting besides feeling sorry for myself.
On Monday my weekend nurse invited me to her weekday floor. Her patients were teenagers with cancer whose immune systems were compromised by chemotherapy. They lived in “life islands” for 3 months in a germ-free environment. Only sterile food and items could be passed into a plastic bubble that surrounded a bed, a chair, and a table. If I entered their space, I could kill them; if I were a companion through the plastic, I could help to heal their isolation.
Except for a few scheduled tests, I had two days of being teenagers together — strangers in a strange land. I wasn’t another cancer patient, parent, sibling, doctor, or nurse — I was someone new to listen, laugh, share, and care. Centering on their needs dispelled my self-centeredness.
Away from my private prep-school, I was becoming a chaplain without credentials. I visited 8 kids one on one. Soon enough I would ask myself: “Was a preppie preparing for a calling?”
How have you answered the question, “What is mine to do?” When has focusing on another’s needs taken your mind off your own? How have past situations become preparations for your future?
Playing Jesus June 3, 2024
As a high school senior, before I was to play Jesus, I was John the Baptist. In front of God and the hundreds in worship, accompanied only by my friends, I sang “Prepare Ye the Way of the Lord”. I belted out my solo as I paraded down the aisle to promote our youth group’s coming production of “Godspell”. As we rehearsed “It’s All for the Best” I was transformed from John to Jesus, but I never got to play Jesus on stage. (And no, I’ve not been trying to play Jesus ever since).
A fortnight before the production, I went to the doctor because I had a sore arm. I was joking with the x-ray technician, before he changed his demeanor. The x-ray revealed a hole in my left humerus bone. I sensed something was wrong when we went from being humorous to a serious humerus. The doctor said it looked like bone cancer and we should go to MD Anderson Cancer Center to get their insights. He said it might take a month to get in, but we flew out the next day to stay with cousins in Dallas while dad tried pulling strings in Houston.
Two days after the production, the cast gathered to call me in the hospital. It was the day before my surgery. One teenager after another got on the phone to ask, “How are you doing?” The 20 questions never got creative, but the meaning of their compassion grew with each voice. I don’t really remember what we said, but I’ll never forget that they called.
The lesson for my ministry was this: my presence was more important than my avoidance stemming from worry I might say the wrong thing. A simple phone call from a lined-up youth group provided a healing balm such as I would never have imagined before my experience.
When have you received a simple act of caring you will never forget? Where have you sought to show your caring to another person? How might you look for opportunities to bring compassion to the world?